Something I hate

[matbennett]

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Grrrr.... seem to get involved in one of these every couple of Months at the moment.

(Not an exact quote)

Dear Mr Bennett,

I am a director of GENERIC NAME Ltd. I have noticed that the website you own GENERICNAME.co.uk performs considerably better than ours in search engines and I would like it for myself.

I have taken legal advice from my solicitors Ostrich, Technophobe & Luddite who work on fixed fees and have informed me that I may have a case for a claim.

Although you registered the name 2 years before our incorporation, have clearly stated your legal title and are not passing off in any way, we require that you immediately hand over the domain name, some random amount of damages, your content and your first-born child.

I sincerely hope that we can resolve this matter before anyone educates me in the difference between a trading name and a trade mark.

Yours, blah blah blah



If we seem to keep getting these with relatively small number of sites we own, I would imagine this is a pretty frequen occurrence for some of you.

[betterHalf]

OK. Here's what u do.

you create a new email address : legal@yourdomain.whatever

You create a cut'n'paste header along the following lines:-

"Cheescutter, Sphincter & Watt
Legal Counsel &c
Our Ref: TW@T/001

WITHOUT PREJUDICE" <---Very important you put this in - cant be used in court!!!


you then reply to the twat as follows:-

"Dear Sirs, as counsel for etc etc, please be advised that we have received your correspondence and require more information, specifically,
(1) Documentary evidence that you are who you say you are. You will appreciate that our client receives many crank letters and emails every day, and we must first determine that your are who you say you are.
(2) Documentary evidence (notarised affadavit will suffice) that you represent the client you specify (see above)."

Send it.

This will cost the twat £50 to process. If they reply,

send another as follows:-

"Dear Sirs, thank you for your prompt (if unsatisfactory) response. As counsel for etc etc, please be advised that we require more information, specifically,
(1) Identification numbers of TradeMarks held
(2) Classes in which said Trademarks are granted
(3) Jurisdictions in which Trademarks have been registered.

Send it.

That's probably gonna cost the twat another £100.

If he replies, Send another asking for yet more confirmation (company VAT reg number, Names and address of directors etc, and start making vague threats about HE is passing off (because you owned the domain before he started trying for a trademark, you can object to it - fair use etc).

You can keep this up for weeks at zero cost, whereas he will start eating into his legal budget fast. Have personally never got past 3 cycles before they seem to go away.

[matbennett]

Sounds fun as well!

Reminds me a little of a "disgreement" that I had with a certain Amercian On Line company back when I was a student over a paltry few quid that I was determined not to pay.

Using a few tactics like this I kept it going for almost the entire time that I studied for my degree.

My favourite techniques were to refer to communications that simply didn't happen, e.g. "As I have not received a reply to my communication dated (insert random date), I will assume that you no longer wish to persue this complaint", and to use ever growing reference numbers, returning them as unidentified if even one of the 30 digit reference was wrong.

Childish yes, but it proved great entertainment and was cheaper than the pub.

[betterHalf]

Good idea - 170 digit references that go over 2 lines... :-)

on a serious note, perhaps if anyone has a useful (cheap) lawyer who deals in ip rights it might be worth mentioning it now, because it's only a matter of time before someone needs one for real... me, can't think of one off hand.